New “Super-Gas” Made From Condors

Oceanside, CA- A group of green innovators have come up with a solution to the dire fossil fuel situation. Save the Oil, an organization of Eco-minded young professionals, has distilled an extremely potent gasoline substitute from the California condor.

Dakota Brooks, a spokesman for the organization, gave a jubilant statement for a crowd of thousands.

“One gallon of this fuel can generate as much power as fifty gallons of petroleum based gasoline, and only requires eight full grown condors to produce,” explained Brooks. “This is the answer we’re looking for. Since condors are living things, they are an entirely renewable resource.”

This breakthrough in alternative fuels comes at a time when the consumption of fossil fuels has become an international crisis. According to representatives of the oil industry there are no viable alternatives to fossil fuel, and there never will be.

Brooks admitted that further research would be needed to determine the reliability of producing enough fuel to meet demand. He did, however, note ease of capture of the birds; citing their enormous size and conspicuous markings.

Pending the successful integration into the fuel market of Condor-Gas, Save the Oil reports that they are currently developing similar fuels made from Africa’s indigenous Black Rhino and Asia’s Giant Panda.

Brooks suggested, “Using animals which are native to these continents will eliminate pricey shipping costs and international tariffs.”