Advertiser Disappointed with Super-Bowel Ad Space

New York, NY – The Super-bowl is the most watched annual television event in America. It’s no wonder that advertisers clamor to pay top dollar for ad space during the big game.

A national corporation, which prefers not to be named, found a very attractive deal on what was thought to be Super-bowl ad space. According to reports, the corporation is now taking legal action against the man who sold the advertising slot.

The corporation is claiming the nature and location of the advertising space is harmful for the brand and is suing for an undisclosed amount.

Jim Dawkins, head of the marketing division for the company in question, was the one who was allegedly duped.

“Okay, that’s just misleading,” stated Dawkins. “It really looks like it says ‘Super-bowl’. Besides, what kind of sick weirdo would advertise Super-bowel ad space? Who would put themselves through that? I mean, it’s got to be painful. Really, I don’t even know how he did that.”

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Judge Judy Calmly Accepts Rapture

Los Angeles, CA – On July 29, 2008, an earthquake disturbed the city of Los Angeles. Millions of people and daily activities were interrupted; among these was a taping of the popular court television show, Judge Judy.

“Everything was going normally,” explained Mark Koehler, an audience member. “Then everything started to shake. We were all kind of scared and people started running out of the room.”

According to reports, the show’s host, Judge Judith Sheindlin, quickly reacted to the seismic event. Once she noticed the shaking, Judge Judy allegedly got up, and headed for an exit located behind the bench.

Witnesses say that the former family court Judge calmly walked into the hallway, raised her arms and shouted, “Come and get me you son of a bitch!”

“As she (Judge Judy) was walking out of the room, I tried to make sure she was alright,” stated the show’s stage manager. “She didn’t respond at all. She was just walking and mumbling something.”

What Judge Judy was mumbling was caught on her microphone, which she neglected to remove as she fled.

“The recording was difficult to make out,” noted Sal Martone, a sound engineer for Judge Judy. “All we could get was, she kept saying, ‘ I knew it, here it comes, he said he’d be coming for me.”

Apparently, this wasn’t the first such incident. Family members of Judge Judy say that this is similar to how she reacts to every earthquake; calmly resigned mumbling. Loved ones claim no knowledge of who is ‘coming for her’.
Experts suggest that perhaps Judge Judy’s entranced ramblings and erratic behavior are due to some long past deal with Satan, but admit that there is too little evidence to be sure.

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Lenient Crumpled Dollar Policy Boosts Approval Rating

Oak Park, IL – “This is the highest approval rating we’ve ever seen,” explained Bill Richter. “We’re looking at numbers around ninety-eight percent approval.” Richter is a floor supervisor at The Plastic Arts, a local plastics company. He is also the assessor of approval data.

According to reports, a recent poll of employees shows a significant change in public opinion. Last month, the company’s vending machine of nearly ten years was replaced with a newer model. Allegedly, the new machine has a very lenient policy regarding the use of crumpled, or otherwise damaged dollar bills. This is a drastic change from the previous administration’s strict “brand new dollar policy.

“I think it represents a change in the basic mindset of the worker,” noted Sally Welker, an entry-level employee. “Until recently, the policies of our vending machine showed people outside the company that we were onboard with strict dollar taking standards. And it didn’t help that last time we had a chance to change things, we didn’t.”

Welker referred to an opportunity in 2004 for the company to change contracts with vending machine distributors. The option to get a new machine was put to a vote. Allegedly, despite losing the popular vote among employees, the incumbent vendor retained its position. Management explains the discrepancy by noting that the employees were actually voting for representatives who would then promise to vote for a vendor. Employees have called the system confusing and obsolete.

“We’d like to put that whole 2004 thing behind us,” stated Richter. “The point is, now we have a machine that everyone can agree with.”

Management at The Plastic Arts has expressed some concerns about the overall corporate benefit of the new vending machine. However, management admits that public approval is undeniable and perhaps, this will be a change for the better.
Controversial policies of the new machine include a willingness to accept crumpled dollar bills, torn currency, and the relatively new, state-specific quarters.

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