Corporation to Shoplifters: How Are We Supposed To Feed Our Faceless Children?

Omaha, NE- Shoplifting is often considered a victimless crime, but the Faceless Corporation in Omaha has publicly challenged this misnomer.

The corporation issued a plea on its weblog directed at would-be shoplifters. The loss prevention division of the Faceless Corporation posted the blog earlier this week.

“It is detrimental to the shareholders, employees and management of this company that we must report such a high percentage of profit loss due to theft,” read the plea. “It has always been our goal to provide fairly priced products to our customers; this ability is compromised by this so-called ‘victimless crime.”

The Faceless Corporation was established in 1943, taking its name from William Jonathan Faceless, the company’s founder. At the time the company was called Faceless of Omaha and manufactured tank treads for the war effort.

The family owned business went public in 1967 being re-christened as the Faceless Corporation.

Arthur Faceless, current CEO of the Faceless Corporation, expressed genuine concern over losses from theft.

“I have three Faceless children. I am worried that I won’t be able to send them to college if this continues,” explained Faceless. “I mean, it’s not like they will be able to get by on their looks. Like me, my father and his father before him, they don’t have faces.”