Area Morning Out to Get Me

Chicago, IL – Allegedly, this morning is planning to take me out, but I have to be careful what I say…it could be listening.

The suspicion began at 6:00 AM when the alarm went off to wake up my bedroom’s residents. I jumped out of bed to shut it off and stubbed my toe.

According to reports, my morning shower was alternately intolerably hot and near freezing. Upon leaving the shower, I slipped, smacking my knee on the side of the tub.

I then broke a shoelace; forcing me to tie a little tiny knot in what shoelace I had remaining. Upon getting into my car, I discovered that the driver’s side window had been left slightly open during last night’s rainstorms.

Witnesses report my getting cut-off repeatedly while driving to work, nearly resulting in three crashes.

The ATM was “temporarily unable to dispense cash” and I was pulled over in the middle of my three mile commute.

Sources say that this morning has held a grudge against me since its birth; midnight, last night. If I’m not around tomorrow, we all know who it was.