FDA Decides to List Things That Aren’t Tainted

Washington, D.C. – Many Americans have noticed a dramatic increase in tainted food warnings. The cause is simply an increase in tainted foods. As the search continues for answers in the latest tomato/salmonella scare, the FDA has announced a radical change in the way they do business.

“We just thought it would be easier this way,” explained Alan Brady, a representative of the Food and Drug Administration. “There are so many tainted foods being distributed and after a while, people just stop listening to the warnings.”

Reportedly, a list of untainted things will be much shorter than a “tainted” list.

“As of right now,” said Brady. “The list consists of; bananas, table salt, and plastic utensils. We will keep Americans informed of any changes.”

Many in Washington are calling this an innovative effort, claiming that this is the best thing the FDA has done since the approval of Viagara.

The idea reportedly was inspired by a Chinese toy manufacturer. After distributing millions of defective toys, the company opted to announce the one not recalled.

“Wait, I’ve just gotten word,” stated Brady. “Bananas are no longer on that list, any bananas should be considered dangerous.”