Special Edition: Fed Threatens To Turn This Economy Around, “Right Now!”

Washington, D.C.- So it’s come to this. The American people have been screwing around long enough, or so suggest the actions of the Federal Reserve Board. The Fed cut the key rate for the second time in three days this afternoon. The cut was for .75% plunging the rate to a low of 2.25%. The intended result was to encourage the public to “quit messing around back there” and allow the board to drive the economy.

For several months now, the Fed has been threatening to take drastic measures to “turn this economy around”. Americans knew they were empty threats, and refused to heed the warnings. Now more actions have been taken, but skeptic onlookers believe that the board hasn’t made a drastic enough display; suggesting that it’s just too little, too late.

Bill Meyer, Chief Investment Officer with BigTrade Inc., stated,

“If they (the Fed) want to get any substantial results, they have to make a dramatic example. Make a threat and stick with it. It’s the only way to get any respect. The way they keep going soft when it’s time for action, pretty soon the public is just going to walk all over them.”

Interest rate cuts and economic stimulus plans have made very little progress and the board is hoping that this will be the last empty threat they have to make.

“We’re fed up! We just wanted to have a good time, enjoy the company of the American people and they just have to keep pushing it.” said a representative of the Federal Reserve Board “This is the last straw, we mean it, if you don’t sit down, be quiet and be nice to each other, we will turn this economy around right now! We don’t want to have to do it, but you leave us no choice.”

Only time will tell if Americans are willing to comply.