Peter Jackson Secures Right to Ruin All of Your Childhood Favorites

Los Angeles, CA- Oscar winning director, Peter Jackson has reportedly just signed the largest film rights deal in history. The deal resulted in Jackson procuring rights to make film adaptations or remakes of every single one of your childhood favorites.

Best known for his critically acclaimed, live action “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, Jackson has was also the director of the 2005 remake of “King Kong” and several other notable films.

Jackson’s directing style is defined by his ability to make even the most intense action sequences long and boring.

Early predictions suggest that Jackson will immediately start work on the films with the intent of releasing them in annual installments, making each more slow and tedious than the last.

Chuck Archer, the owner of a popular film review website, expressed his conflicted anticipation.

“Just like with Jackson’s other movies, I expect to be impressed with elements like digital effects, camera work and sheer scale of production,” stated Archer. “However, by the time I get to the end of the movie, I’ll be so bored that I don’t care. Not every movie needs to be four hours long.”

Archer continued sarcastically, “I can’t wait to see all nine hours of his live action remake of ‘The Land before Time.”