McCain Predicts Results of First Presidential Game of “RISK”

Columbus, OH – “Once elected President, I intend to engage in an inaugural session of everybody’s favorite world domination themed board game, RISK", explained the Republican Presidential hopeful. “My opponents will squabble over who will get Australia; I will seize North America while they are divided.”

Senator McCain was hesitant to discuss details of his tactics, for fear of revealing too much to his opponents. However, he reassured the crowd of his imminent victory.

“My first game of RISK in the White House will be a victory for John McCain, and a victory for America,” boasted the Senator.

In response to accusations of being presumptuous, Senator McCain smiled and stated;
“I understand that RISK is a complex game with a lot of variables, many of which are dependent on my opponents, but I think it’s time that I started to look ahead. My critics have expressed concerns that I can’t accurately anticipate such an unpredictable outcome. I think they’re wrong. I predict that my critics will be unemployed, if not worse, by the end of my first term.”

Senator McCain continued to make predictions, some of which include; his rise to power as Emperor of the Confederated Western Hemisphere, the Confederation of the Western Hemisphere and his posthumous usurping of the Throne of Odin with which to rule over Valhalla with an iron fist.