Abnormally Long Commute Blamed on “Traffic Jerk”

Chicago, IL- Mark Gordon, traffic reporter for a local radio station, averages five minutes per hour on the air. Regardless of his minimal involvement in a popular afternoon show, Gordon is the object of Samantha Floren’s hatred.

Last Wednesday, Gordon reported travel times nearly twice that of those encountered on a typical day. Samantha Floren, a 22 year old administrative assistant, tuned in just in time to hear the discouraging traffic report.

“I had a long day and I just wanted to get home and take a relaxing bath,” reported Floren. “I turned on the radio and that traffic jerk said that it would take an hour and a half for me to get home.”

She changed the radio station and continued to drive home cursing Gordon’s very existence.

“All he had to say was, ‘travel times are good’ and everything would have been fine,” explained an agitated Floren. “Instead he had to come out with that crap; it ruined my day.”