Area Man Has No Right To Own Guitar

Milwaukee, WI – “I’ve been playing for like, ten years,” explained Scott Johnson. “Well, on and off for ten years.”

Johnson spoke in response to allegations that he doesn’t really deserve to own a guitar.

“He plays maybe once a year,” stated Marie Smith, Johnson’s girlfriend. “If we go to a concert, or watch Spinal Tap, he plays for a couple of days. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not bad, but then he puts the guitar away and we don’t see it again for a very long time.”

According to reports, on the occasion that Johnson does play his Fender Stratocaster, he follows the same ritual. Johnson removes the guitar from its stand, brushes off dust by hand, comments to no one in particular about needing to change the strings, and tunes it.

“It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d play a few songs every once in a while,” continued Smith. “But he only knows the intro to like, five songs. That’s it, not even the whole song.”

Reportedly, Johnson is fond of talking about his guitar, which he modified to produce a unique sound, particular to his “playing style”.

“Every time Scott has a party, he gets drunk and wants to bust out the guitar,” noted Bill Markley, a long-time friend of Johnson. “It’s always this big production to get it out, and cleaned off, then tuned and hooked up. Everybody gathers around to listen and he just plays the intros to like, five songs. Hell, I’m taking guitar lessons right now, just so people won’t get so disappointed.”

Johnson explains that he might be outgrowing his “old ax” and is considering getting a new one.