Suspicions Confirmed as Californians Begin Contracting “Gay”

Sacramento, CA – The legalization of same-sex marriage was a bold move for the state of California. The decision came with its share of critics and opponents.

New findings seem to be supporting the opposition. According to reports from the California Centers for Disease Control, reported cases of “Gay” are on the rise.

“We always believed that there was something wrong with it,” explained Charles Porter, a long-time critic of same-sex marriage. “We just couldn’t put our fingers on it. But this is it; this was our fear all along. As soon as you start letting them come out in public, everybody starts catching ‘gay’. Hell, I have a friend who has been feeling a little gay, I’m not, no, not me, I think I’m immune, but it’s just not right.”

Martin Wright, an administrator at the Sacramento Center for Disease Control, says the situation is dire.

“We’ve had reports of regular, non-fruity, citizens bursting into lively song,” noted Wright. “It’s a virtual pandemic of show tunes, interior decoration, and hair styling. The city has never looked or sounded better. It’s really sad.”

Rachel Norris, spokeswoman for the Sacramento GLBT association, simply calls for sound logic and reasoning.

“Homosexuality is not contagious,” said Norris. “I can’t stress that enough. Homosexuality is not a disease, it’s not contagious, and everyone is safe.”
Local authorities stated, though no citizen has been willing to admit coming down with “gay”, many residents have identified their neighbors and co-workers as showing symptoms.