U.S. Celebrates 12th Annual Independence Day Vigilance

Will Smith Put On High Alert

Washington, D.C. – It’s been twelve intense years since the foreboding vision of things to come was shown to American audiences. The United States government does not take credible threats lightly.

“On July 4th 1996,” said Robert Gates, the U.S. Secretary of Defense. “We were made aware of a very significant threat to National Security. Since then, we have spent every Independence day watching the skies, waiting for space aliens to attack.”



Gates admits that the fireworks displays traditionally held on the fourth of July will make it difficult to see any incoming spacecraft. Despite the criticism from skeptics, the White House stands firm on the subject of extra-terrestrial invasion.



“We will not let them blow up the White House,” continued Gates. “Nor do we intend to let them blow up anything, we’ve got a few aces up our sleeve.”



The “Aces” referred to by the Secretary include an impressive collection of “experts”.



“We have alerted Will Smith, who not only beat the aliens in ninety-six, but had a respectable career with a secret government organization dealing exclusively with aliens,” boasted Gates. “We’ve also got Randy Quaid and Jeff Goldblum, who both helped out a lot in ninety-six. Oh yeah, just in case, we got the guy from taxi, and Data from Star Trek. It couldn’t hurt, right?”



Authorities warn citizens to avoid contact with any extra-terrestrials and resist the urge to welcome them to “Earf”.