Man Celebrates National Independence with Traditional Removal of Hand

Frankfort, IL – Many American families celebrate Independence Day by staking claim to a spot with an unobstructed view and watching professional fireworks displays.

Tony Peterson, an area resident, calls that a lazy unpatriotic way to observe what he calls, our nations holiest holiday.

“Lots of young men gave their lives for our independence,” said Peterson. “The least we can do is sacrifice something for them.”

Allegedly, Peterson spent Friday creating an elaborate fireworks display for his friends and neighbors; an annual pastime. According to reports, Peterson’s lack of pyrotechnics training and elevated blood alcohol level created a dangerous situation.

“I don’t mind,” explained Peterson from his hospital bed. “My granddad blew off his hand; my dad blew off his hand, now I blew off mine. I only hope that my boy is patriotic enough to carry on the tradition.”

“He just bought bigger fireworks every year,” noted Peterson’s wife. “I always said he wouldn’t be happy until he hurt himself. Guess I was right.”