Heart of Gold Rejected

San Diego, CA – Earlier this week, noted philanthropist Norman Berkeley underwent a controversial new procedure, it was the first of its’ kind. The media favorite, “millionaire with the heart of gold” became just that, literally, when his heart was replaced by a golden artificial heart.

Doctors are saying that the heart was rejected. Berkeley was pronounced dead at 1:15 a.m. Friday morning.

Doctor Peter O’Malley, Berkeley’s regular physician was against the idea from the beginning.

“Of course I advised against it,” stated Dr. O’Malley. “He wanted to put a big hunk of metal in the place where his heart should be, it’s pure idiocy. He was a very kind man, but he took things a bit too literally.”

“Berkeley’s body just wasn’t ready for it,” said Dr. Bob Knowles, designer of the artificial heart. “His soul must not have been pure.”

According to Dr. Bob, the heart is powered by the limitless resources called love and good will, plus a small nuclear fission reactor.

“Norman was well aware of the risks,” continued Dr. Bob. “I warned him that it would only work for those pure of heart. He said he had no secrets, no regrets, nothing weighing on his soul. I guess he was also a liar.”