U.S. Troops Sent To War Without Kung Fu Grip

Baghdad, Iraq – The war in Iraq has been criticized as being plagued with bad logistical decisions, failures of asset management, and poor planning. These issues were first brought to light in 2004 when troops bound for Iraq questioned then Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld about the apparent lack of armor for vehicles and personnel.


The issue of ill-equipped military personnel has surfaced again. According to reports, many troops bound for combat zones are concerned about being deployed without the most basic of necessities.

“We’re not indestucible,” explained Sergeant Scott Bartman of the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve. “But we adapt and overcome. We can go in with inadequate body armor. We can go in with no armor on the vehicles. But they can’t expect us to go in and fight without the Kung Fu grip.”

The Kung Fu grip was first issued to American troops in 1964 and has been a standard government issue ever since.

“The effectiveness of the Kung Fu grip has been proven time and again,” continued Sgt. Bartman. “We’ve seen it in action against some pretty significant enemies, like COBRA. It just seems to ridiculous to ask us to go and fight without such an important element.”

Government officials have consistently avoided responding to the complaints.