Amnesiac Pretty Sure He Remembers

Chicago, IL – Mark Albertson was struck on the head by a falling paint can full of marbles just over two weeks ago. Albertson’s doctor says that he’s made a full recovery with the exception of severe, but temporary memory loss.


“Mark has been improving so quickly,” said Janet Meeks, Albertson’s girlfriend. “The doctor says he should get his memory back soon.”

Hospital personnel, as well as Meeks, have reported that Albertson believes he is regaining his memory, “in pieces”.

“I think it was the Fourth of July,” eagerly recalled Albertson. “I was in the park. It was the weekend sometime. There were people laughing, people playing, and a man selling ice cream. Yes, I remember! He was singing Greek songs. No, wait, Italian songs.”

Albertson was told that that particular memory was a song by the band, Chicago. He was disappointed but not defeated; he quickly began to expose more memories.

“Okay, okay, my father married a pure Cherokee,” rattled off Albertson. “My mom’s people were ashamed of me and said I was white. But the white men called me ‘Indian Squaw.”

That memory was, likewise, not his own, but a song by Cher; also “squaw” means woman. Before giving up on his memory altogether, he attempted to recall on last thing.

“I remember,” exclaimed Albertson. “I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry.”

Meeks simply ignored the statement.

“Come on,” shouted Albertson. “That’s American Pie!”