Kirk “Wardrobe Malfunction” Fine Overturned By FCC

Washington, D.C. - “I’m just so happy to see that there is some sense of justice left in the world,” said Captain James T. Kirk in a press conference late yesterday afternoon. Kirk held the press conference in response to a recent FCC decision clearing him, the network, and the Federation of a half-million dollar fine.

The case has been in appeals court for years and it seemed as if the process would never end, according to attorneys representing the defense. The appeals court ultimately decided that the FCC "acted arbitrarily and capriciously" in issuing the fine.

The FCC cited Captain Kirk’s repeated and consistent bare-chested antics while appearing in a primetime television slot.

“Every single time my shirt was ripped, it was…unavoidable,” pleaded Kirk, in his own defense. “Whether I was engaged in mortal combat with a brutal alien foe, or forced to seduce some…admittedly attractive, yet strange looking alien beauty; I had no choice but to bare my chest.”
“It seems perfectly reasonable,” said Barry Allen, Kirk’s attorney. “That a space Captain, of any moral substance, would have to walk around shirtless from time to time. I find it indecent and unpatriotic that the FCC would even suggest anything less.”