Friday, February 6, 2009

Microsoft’s New Outlook Aztec Calendar Receives Mixed Reviews

Redmond, WA – Struggling to keep up with the ever-changing personal data management market, Microsoft has released a new and innovative function of its Outlook system.

“We think customers are really going to appreciate the unique update to our software,” said Ellen Peterson, a PR representative from the tech giant. The new function, reportedly, replaces Outlook’s Calendar function with a visually appealing digital version of the ancient Aztec calendar.

The Calendar function of Microsoft Outlook is a popular utility designed to help users organize their schedule.

“I’m a little confused,” noted Brian Rogers, an investment banker. “I had a meeting at nine a.m. on Crocodile. At least that’s what I thought, turns out my meeting was actually on Jaguar. My boss was really mad. I almost lost my job. We had to reschedule for ten thirty on Wind. Hopefully I’ll be able to make that one. It’s the Vista Sundial Widget all over again.”

“Consumers seemed to really like Apple’s flippy touch-n-swipe interface on the iPhone,” explained Peterson. “Our research suggests that people want new and funky applications. We think it’s going to change the way people see archaic, circular, Mesoamerican tools for tracking the predictable movement of celestial bodies; also personal data management.”

The calendar was created and used by the pre-Columbian peoples of central Mexico.

“I think it’s great,” stated Peter Zenega, an artist and self-proclaimed hipster. “It’s the perfect utility for anyone who wants to have a wacky way to inaccurately keep track of their engagements. Sure, there are a ton of free, user friendly, applications on the web that are much more effective than Outlook, but hey, it’s cool to use this kind of outdated technology.”

“I’m f***ing done,” said Rogers. “I open it every morning and try to look at my appointments. All I get is a bunch of stupid faces sticking out their tongues. What in the hell is that? I gave up my blackberry for this sh**.”

Only time will tell if the calendar will catch on, but Microsoft is optimistic.

“This is what people want,” asserted a vehement Peterson. “We believe that within the next five years, everyone in America, no the WORLD, will be walking around with a Windows Pocket A.C.” (Short for Aztec Calendar)

There have been rumors that Microsoft is working on the design for an Aztec Zune music player, which uses advanced primitive stone rotating technology to produce brilliant, crisp music.