Tuesday, December 9, 2008

An Open Letter To The Readers

To all eight of our readers, to include the three of you who enjoy Monkey Breath, the two of you who read everyday patiently awaiting our fatal mistake, and the two of you who are forced to read MB as part of your debt to society (thank you Nevada Dept. of Corrections), and the other guy; we truly appreciate your readership and support in this past year.

It has been brought to our attention that some of you are concerned about the future of Monkey-breath.com as a result of the abrupt halt to new content being posted. It has been remiss of us to leave our small but fanatical fan base out of the loop on such an important development in our story.

This time each year, the Monkey-breath.com world headquarters in Chicago’s prestigious “Wolrd Headquarters” district, on Spelling Error Avenue, is rented out to host the “All Clown Rodeo and Pig-grip”. As a side note, it’s a truly fascinating show in which clowns ride other clowns and do their best to grip those ever-slippery pigs. As a result, the office smells like livestock, greasepaint, and baby oil.

Taking into account that his office is being used to shoe particularly ornery harlequins Mr. Jackass thought this would be a good time sort some things out. The staff has gone their separate ways to fulfill unfulfilled dreams, legitimize illegitimate children, and basically tie up some loose ends.

Our editor-in-chief, Henry Q. Jackass, is currently undergoing some much needed anger management counseling.  Bigfoot, our financial advisor, has been called to Washington to advise a high profile, recently elected official, who shall remain nameless. Lance Cooper, our sports reporter, is in his hidden lair deep beneath Halas Hall, playing a pipe organ and completing his masterwork, “From Hurling to Jai Alai: Sports in the Key of H (Actually just the H sound)”. Viktor Mimmirsbrunner, our expert on the weird, is reportedly traveling the world in search of the Eye of Agamoto, whatever that is.

But for those of you who are concerned (Mother), Monkey-breath.com has not ended.


H.Q. Jackass will return in…”Unipussy”


Patches the Pig Grippin' Clown