Friday, November 7, 2008

30% Of Americans Lost in “His Eyes”

Chicago, IL – A recent poll of ten million Americans reveals a girlish infatuation with President Elect, Barack Obama.
According to the poll, nearly thirty percent of the participants have been distracted from the tumultuous state of events in the world and lulled into a sense of comforted awe by the Obama.
“No, no, I’m totally…um, I’m sorry what was I saying? (Sighs) It’s really great,” stated Bank Manager Paul Giacono. “You were asking me if I was-- I’m just really happy right now.”
American Statistics Analysis Inc. (ASA Inc.) is the Chicago based company that conducted the poll. The company was, allegedly, very careful to select a broad spectrum of participants to avoid excessive demographic concentration.
“We tried very hard to poll as diverse a group as possible,” said Jim Winthrop, Executive Vice President of ASA Inc. “We polled Obama supporters, McCain supporters, women, men, gay, straight, Mormon, Jewish, midget, you name it. They all seemed to be distracted by images of the President Elect on newspapers, buses, t-shirts, tattoos, and the like.”
Among the questions asked was a particularly pointed question about the current national economic collapse. Few people seemed concerned, responding with concise answers such as “Dreamy”, hysterical giggling, and comforted sighs.
No one can truly say what the future will hold, but…um…wow, I think everything is going to be okay.
*Special thanks to the Chicago Sun-Times for providing such a hypnotic photo.