Monday, November 24, 2008

The Smell of Donuts Intoxicating Reports Manager of Donut Shop

Louisville, KY – “It’s the most fantastic smell I’ve ever smelled,” says 46-year-old Bill Anderson, manager of a local donut shop. “That’s why I work here, because I love donuts. It’s not like I couldn’t get another job, I just love this one.”

 Locals and patrons of “DoNut Disturb” report that Anderson has been working there for years and that he doesn’t seem to like donuts at all.

 “I remember a couple of years ago when it was called ‘D’oh! Nuts!” said one patron. “Bill said that he would be quitting in a few weeks because he had just applied to haberdasher’s school. He was going to make hats. Bill hates donuts.”

 “La, la, la, la, la, I love donuts,” sang Anderson as he tried to stifle a gag. “They’re so sugary fantastic and sweet! I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Also, they really appreciate me and my ideas.”

 “That guy has got some problems,’ noted Arthur Bicklestein, Regional Manager of Amalgamated Microsystems and Information Condensation Industries Incorporated, the company which owns “DoNut Disturb”. “We’re looking for a replacement right now, but he is our most senior employee, having worked in that shop for over twenty years.”

 Bicklestein acknowledged Anderson’s good attendance and persistence but illuminated some of Anderson’s flaws as an employee.

 “He always has these stupid ideas,” explained Bickelstein as he shook his head. “He wanted to call the place, ‘Please, DoNut Feed The Bears’. What in the hell is that? We don’t have bears here! And when he messes up, he blames everything on his mother.”

 Acquintences of Anderson report that he has pursued other career paths. Allegedly, he wanted to be a video game tester, a wedding cake designer, a 19th century boot black, a haberdasher, and a professional furry (whatever that is). Records suggest that all of those options fell through.

 Anderson was not willing to listen to what his regional manager had to say but he left us with this message; “The smell of donuts is intoxicating, that’s why I still work here, MOM! I could work elsewhere, I just love donuts!”