Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Final Popular Vote Actually Went to George W. Bush

Washington, D.C. – A full week after the November 4th general election, the last of the ballots have finally been counted.  Shockingly, a large number of them were for the incumbent President George W. Bush.

 “We were a little surprised as most people know that no President may serve more than two terms,” said elections official Craig Bartollo. “It seemed strange that so many people would vote for him despite his having no chance at victory.”

 Unlike in the 2000 election, the cryptically pro-Bush votes were not concentrated in one pivotal state; they were evenly distributed across the nation. There was such a saturation of these votes that, this time anyway, President Bush won the popular vote.

 “It was truly amazing,” stated Bartollo. “The total number of people who voted was upwards of one hundred and twenty-two million. Apparently, fifty-five million of those people voted for George Bush.  If you add that to the number of people who voted for President elect Obama and Senator McCain, you get approximately one hundred and seventy-seven million people. That just isn’t possible. Somebody is cheating, I don’t now who, but I have my suspicions.”

 Taking this information into account, experts are retracting allegations that President Bush’s previous victories were somehow unfairly won.

 “If he won by this kind of margin this time, when he couldn’t even take office for a third term, then maybe he won fair and square the other two times,” said Nathan Greybeck, a political analyst. “I used to think that somehow, he rigged the first two, but he’s obviously got some support.”

 Members of the Bush Administration are declining to comment on the strange outpouring of support for the incumbent. This massive number of votes comes during a time when George W. Bush is the least popular President in American history. A recent Gallop Poll shows that the voting public has more confidence in Checkers Nixon than George W. Bush, and would vote for the dog if that fictional election were to take place, despite Checkers being dead.

 When questioned about the votes, the President simply laughed nervously and said, “oops.”