Thursday, November 13, 2008

IRS Going Out of Business

Washington, D.C. – The financial crisis seems to be affecting businesses, individuals, and organizations across the board. National electronics chain Circuit City has recently announced being in financial trouble, and the ambiguous house wares dealer Linens-n-Things will be closing its doors in the near future.

 Unfortunately, the damage doesn’t stop with second-rate retail chains. Today, the Internal Revenue Service announced that they would be going out of business. Nobody knows exactly how to feel about it.

 “We never wanted it to come to this,” said Benjamin Sherman, Assistant to the Director of the IRS. “Things just didn’t go the way we expected.”

 Reportedly, the IRS has approached the federal government for assistance, only to be turned down. Lawmakers argue that this isn’t a mess for which the American taxpayers should be held responsible.

 “If we go out of business,” passionately explained an agitated Sherman. “There won’t be any tax money! We are the revenue stream for the entire country! Re-Ve-Nue Service! Why are people so stupid?”

 According to reports, the IRS is taking measures to minimize the loss. They have announced a going out of business sale at which taxpayer IDs and vital taxpayer information will be sold at bargain prices.