Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Nation Gripped By Boredom After particularly Uneventful Tuesday

Cleveland, OHThis morning began like many other Wednesday mornings. Across the country, Americans woke up, went to work or school, did what they do every other Wednesday morning.

 The difference? Nothing, nothing at all. Things are exactly the same as they were on Monday. In fact, many experts believe that yesterday may have been the beginning of the most boring period in American history.

 Charles Barker, a ninety-two year old man, who lives just outside Cleveland, has seen many uneventful days in his time.

 “I’ve seen some boring days,” said a nostalgic Barker as his hands moved furiously. “This might be the worst. I started using a loom, oh, about fifty years ago.” Barker weaves on his loom as he speaks, not missing a beat. “Sometimes, on boring days, like today, you need to keep away the boredom. You’ve got to have a hobby, like loom.”

 With the recent economic trouble and political tensions, around the world, experts are suggesting that boredom may reach record highs.

 Sally Walbarton sits on her porch deeply engrossed in a pile of tiny seashells. Walbarton is sixty-five.

 “I like to find the tiniest ones I can,” Walbarton is barely aware that she’s addressing anyone. “I remember picking through shells during the most boring times in this nation’s history, the sixties for example.”

 Nobody seems to know how we will get out of this rut. Experts agree on one thing though; nothing especially out of the ordinary has happened since yesterday morning.