Thursday, November 20, 2008

President Bush Declares “Cooperating Too Hard”, Embarks On Seven-Week Nap

Washington, D.C. – After the election of Barack Obama as the United States’ forty-fourth President, the incumbent President George Bush promised complete cooperation with the transfer of power. President Bush cited this “peaceful exchange of power” as being a hallmark of this nation’s great democracy and made a big deal about his willingness to cooperate.

 Many people may have noticed that his cooperation is not a big deal, as every single American President, except the ones who were assassinated and Richard M. Nixon, gave nothing but their full cooperation.

 Two weeks after making his promise to do as he is expected and get the hell out of the next President’s house, Bush is losing steam.

 “Hey, this is pretty hard,” Bush told an aid. “Can I stop cooperating now?”

 White House aids have been split in their reaction. Some of them note that this is the most the President has had to do during his entire administration and sympathize with the sleepy Commander in Chief. Others have taken what they call the “don’t let the door hit you” approach and begun to ignore him entirely.

 “I’m sleepy,” said the President. “I didn’t have anybody to show me around the White House when I took over.”

 Aids reminded him that he did, in fact receive similar cooperation from his predecessor, Bill Clinton, and that he didn’t try to make a big deal out of it.

 “Muunh! I don’t wanna do it anymore,” Bush began to pout. “I’m going to my comfy office.”

 From what aids report, the “comfy office” to which he referred is his bedroom, where he spent a large part of his administration. From getting security briefings, to planning strategic military actions, to meeting foreign dignitaries, he did it all from his bed, in the comfort of his Presidential jammy-jams. Reportedly, he was hoping that this transition would be no different.

 “The President is really out of his element,” said a top White House aid. “He hasn’t had to do any cooperating, ever. During his first term, Secretary [Colin] Powell did all of the cooperating. Then when he left, there just wasn’t any. The usually clowns and magic shows aren’t working, he’s really upset.”

 “Hey guys,” said President Bush to his staff. “I’m just gonna go to sleep for a little while. Wake me up for that coronation thing, or whatever it’s called. You know, the thing where I make that new guy in charge.”