Monday, November 3, 2008

Early Voter Makes Mockery of Self, Democracy

Louisville, KY – Chuck McHenry, a young voter, might just as well have stayed home this year. Having turned nineteen earlier this year, this was the first general election in which McHenry could vote.

 According to disappointed friends and family, McHenry took the initiative and went to vote early. More than thirty states have authorized early voting in this general election.

 “We expect the voter turnout this year to be huge,” said Mike Connelly, a volunteer at a Louisville area early voting site. “Mostly because of the historic nature of this election.”

 Despite that historic nature, McHenry thought his vote would be put to best use amusing himself.

 “Dave Matthews rocks,” shouted McHenry as he hopped out of his local polling place. “Now if, like, a bunch of other people vote for him, he could be president or something.”

 Allegedly, McHenry indicated popular musician Dave Matthews as write in candidate for President.

 “I don’t think Chuck should be allowed to vote, or listen to music,” stated Sharon McHenry, Chuck’s older sister. “I don’t even think he knows why this election is important.”

 Chuck McHenry defends his selection.

 “I don’t like either of the guys running for president,” argued an indignant McHenry. “They just want the same crap. I think they’re both lying. Now, we have a chance to have somebody like Dave Matthews in there. Dave Matthews.”