Friday, October 31, 2008

Godzilla Announces Support For Obama

Endorsement Sends Tokyo Residents Into City-Wide Panic

Tokyo, Japan – Godzilla, King of the Monsters, has announced support for Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama. The endorsement, which comes only days before the election, is being hailed by the Obama campaign as a welcome vote of confidence.

Godzilla has been a Republican as long as he has been registered to vote and argues that this isn’t a change of party, simply a change of ideals. A representative of the 120-story-tall-nuclear-powered-mutant dinosaur, told reporters that though both candidates promise change, Obama is the only one who proposes change Godzilla can agree with.

The announcement was made shortly after Godzilla dramatically rose from the sea and rampaged ominously into the center of Tokyo. Residents of Japan’s largest city began running, screaming through the streets. Currently, has no Japanese-speaking correspondent, but some concepts transcend language. Even Tokyo residents are swept up into the political fervor that is gripping the United States.

Many Republicans vehemently opposed the validity of the celebrity endorsement, alleging that Godzilla’s opinion is irrelevant, as he cannot vote in the U.S. being a citizen of Japan.

“Godzilla is not a citizen of Japan,” stated Guy Yoroshiku, Head of Public Relations for Godzilla. “His parents were dinosaurs, born on the land that is now North America, Godzilla was born on that same land.”

Does this make Godzilla an American citizen? The courts say no, but that’s not the whole
story, says Yoroshiku.

“My employer was in suspended animation for sixty-five million years, at the bottom of the ocean,” explains the passionate PR representative. “He was both awakened and transformed by a nuclear bomb launched from the U.S. Because of this, the U.S. Supreme Court Decided in the benchmark “Monster Island v. The United States” case of 1958, that Monster Island was an American territory, giving Godzilla the right to vote. Also, due to sheer mass, he controls nine electoral votes.”

As the colossal voter barreled through the Tokyo streets declaring his support for the Illinois Senator, citizens of Tokyo were moved by his political enthusiasm. Many decided to shriek and sprint ahead of him, presumably clearing the way for global change.

Others were not so permissive. The Japanese military hurried to attack the giant constituent; some are saying the act was an unspoken endorsement of Obama’s opponent, Arizona Senator John McCain.

When asked to comment on the endorsement, the McCain campaign offered a cryptic statement.

“We’ve already got several monsters backing the Republican Party."