Thursday, August 28, 2008

Area Man Uses Desktop Wallpaper To Hide Seething Rage

Reading, PA – Office workers at Allied Document Inc. were reportedly prone to commenting on the colorful scenes, which adorned the background of co-worker, Victor Smith’s computer. That practice came to an end on Wednesday morning.

Smith had allegedly been using images of kittens, sunsets, and baby seals to mask his utter hatred of his colleagues.

“I just asked him if it was a waterfall,” explained Martha French, a timid 40-year-old employee.

“Yes, yes, yes yes yes! It’s a f***ing waterfall,” replied an agitated Smith. “What the hell else could it be?”

According to reports, Smith put on a mocking garbled voice and insisted on repeating a vague approximation of her question, several times.

“My god,” said Smith. “Are you all simpering idiots? ‘Is that a waterfall? Are those kittens? So, you like horses? Oooohhhhh, Grand Canyon, let me tell you some inane garbage about the time I went to the Grand Canyon.’ You are so lucky I don’t kill every one of you and eat your f***ing corpses.”

The office manager explained that Smith has been using cute or inspiring desktop wallpapers for years. She does admit that it wasn’t until the outburst that she realized that Smith was using them to mask his fury.

According to Smith, he is entirely justified in his anger. He also believes that the wallpapers served to bring much needed levity and stave off his “dark thoughts”.