Friday, August 15, 2008

Phelps Finally Has Means to Fix Grill

Beijing, China – Is Michael Phelps the greatest Olympian ever? That’s what spectators around the world are saying and Phelps has brought home enough medals to support the claim.

With an astounding eleven career gold medals (and counting) and thirteen Olympic medals overall, Phelps has earned the most gold medals of any Olympic athlete in modern times. After the sheer awe of his athletic achievements wears off, one begins to wonder, “What does one do with all of those medals?”
Phelps certainly had a plan. Shortly after winning his eleventh gold this week, Phelps returned to the Water Cube looking a bit different, sources say.
“I’ve always had a problem with my teeth,” explained Phelps. “I just couldn’t afford to get them fixed. Not many people know that the precious, precious medals themselves are the only compensation we athletes get for competing in the games.”

Reportedly, Phelps had his several of his gold medals melted down and made into “bling for his grill”. The others, allegedly, were used to pay for the procedure and a local prostitute “who does that pooping thing”.

“I thought it was time that I treat myself,” stated Phelps (pictured above with his last remaining gold medal. Not pictured, local, defecating prostitute). “I just hope I win more medals, because I have to pay my rent when I get home.”

Members of the media are suggesting that this new look for Phelps will likely be a lucrative decision, opening up endorsement deals. Previously, corporations were hesitant to use Phelps image suggesting, “His grin just isn’t metallic enough.”

The world-renowned swimmer has mentioned to friends that if he wins enough medals, rims are next on his wish list.

 Lance Cooper writes the Sports section of He is currently on location in Beijing covering the Summer Games. Lance is the author of the bestselling book "Whooo!!! Sports" which can be found in local book stores.