Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Shots Fired Over Airspace Violation

Dining Room, 3F – Bill Anderson has to be careful in his dining room these days. He has recently used plywood to cover a gaping hole in his floor, which was caused by his neighbor, The Republic of Alan.

“I was just headed into the kitchen to get some pizza,” said Anderson. “I know my floorboards are a little creaky, but this is crazy.”

Allegedly, as Anderson passed through the dining room, he heard a loud bang and a large hole appeared in his floor. Reports suggest that the implement of destruction was a twelve-gauge shotgun.

“We’ve had territory disputes before,” noted Anderson, a citizen of the United States. “Like the back hallway, he’s always trying to invade it. I don’t care, except that if I want to take out my garbage, I either have to go around the front, of pay international tariffs. I was unaware that Alan had such sophisticated anti-air capabilities.”

According to the Republic of Alan Minister of Public Affairs, Alan Moorehouse, Mr. Anderson is the aggressor.

“As President of this great land,” explained President Moorehouse. “I have ordered the belligerent party to cease any and all activities in restricted airspace. He continues to perform operations despite my warnings. He could be running surveillance missions or worse, and I have no way of knowing.”

The Republic of Alan demands that Anderson respect its’ sovereignty and insists that further defensive actions will be taken when necessary.

The United Nations has been trying to avoid inclusion in the dispute, presumably in hopes that it will work itself out. However, this act of war cannot go unnoticed, according to some officials.
“It is and has always been our policy to defend our allies,” said a representative from the UN. “Though it may have been a poor choice, the United Nations is officially allied with The Republic of Alan. Mr. Anderson is in direct, aggressive, and unacceptable violation of international treaties.”