Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Scientists Clone Tool Dolly The Sheep

Edinburgh, Scotland – Cloning technology has been the source of intense debate and controversy for decades. The issue reached new heights in 1996 when Dolly the sheep was born at the Roslin Institute in Scotland. Dolly was the first mammal to be cloned from adult cells.

Once again Dolly is at the forefront of this field as she was recently the source of new cloning technologies.
“We’ve been researching this new technique for some time now,” explained Dr. Malcolm Briar, a geneticist at the Roslin Institute. “We were finally able to exactly reproduce an image of Dolly. This could change the way we look at the clone tool.”
Allegedly, this new method for cloning is so exact that a single animal is capable of being both the source and product of the process. Researchers claim that it is precise enough for the final images to be indiscernible from the original images.
“We are able to replicate the specimen exactly,” stated Dr. Briar. “Even down to the pose and lighting of the source image animal.”
Many have speculated that this new process could be applied to endangered species, creating practically infinite copies of images of a singular animal. Experts suggest that this method could make it seem as if dwindling numbers of identical animal images are a thing of the past.
Louis Morntine holds a Master’s degree in illusive wildlife conservation; he is optimistic about the implications.
“Never again will we be plagued by images of single animals,” noted Morntine. “Animals on the brink of extinction, such as the California condor, the Amur leopard, and the pygmy chimp, will seem plentiful in two dimensional images. We could conceivably wipe out the visual representation of solitary animals. Imaging a world where all you see when you look at a photo of the Giant Panda is hundreds of millions of identical pandas. It’s unimaginably beautiful.”
It’s not only conservationists who are interested in this new technology. According to reports, the U.S. government has expressed interest in the military applications of the clone tool.
“This method could be used to seemingly multiply our troop strength to epic proportions,” said retired Lt. Col. Jack Simian U.S.M.C., a strategic analyst. “We could distribute posters all over the world which show U.S. troops so plentiful they blanket the earth ten times over. No one would dare oppose us then.”
Researchers at the Roslin Institute, though optimistic, admit that human clone tool technology is still a long way off. The official statement from Edinburgh explains that the tool has been used to clone Dolly and missiles, but has yet to be effectively tested on people.

Henry Q. Jackass is the Editor-in-Chief of Monkey-Breath.com. He is a regular writer and contributes frequently.