Saturday, August 30, 2008

CERN Extends Coverage To Uninsured Hadrons

Geneva, Switzerland – CERN is preparing for the October 2008 activation of the LHC (Large Hadron Collider), the largest and most powerful particle accelerator ever built. Preparations for the momentous occasion include cooling of the accelerator to the unbelievable temperature of 1.9 K (−271.25 °C) and a madated upgrade of the insurance policy.

The international physics community recently called for changes to be made to the minimum insurance requirements because of the LHC. The previous minimum coverage required by law was simple particle collision insurance; mandated in 1943.

“We realized that the probability of particle collision was very high,” stated Professor Fritz Klempererer, a member of the international Physics community. “Especially considering that the machine is designed with that express purpose in mind. The likelyhood that one or more of these hadrons, which will be colliding, will be illegally accelerating without insurance is too great to dismiss.”

Reportedly, in order to reduce the possible liability, uninsured hadron coverage was made part of the mandatory minimum insurance for any entity operating a large, small, or moderately sized hadron collider.

“Now,” noted Klempererer. “We can at least be sure that all hadrons are covered whether they choose to be responsible or not.”

Henry Q. Jackass is the Editor-in-Chief of He is a regular writer and contributes frequently.