Monday, August 11, 2008

Russia Escalates Scrabble Dispute

Tbilisi, Georgia – Last week, Russia sent armed forces into the sovereign nation of Georgia, reportedly in response to military action taken by the former soviet nation.

Allegedly, the conflict was caused by a controversial move in the game of Scrabble.

“There is nothing in the rules that says you can’t use an abbreviation, as long as it has been regularized,” stated Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. “I’d say that U-S-S-R is as regularized as abbreviations get.”

The Georgian government does not agree. However, reports suggest that the Georgians were willing to “agree to disagree” until South Ossetia expressed public support for Russia.

South Ossetia is a region within Georgia that has been increasingly siding with Russia. This allegiance is particularly evident in matters of Scrabble. Abkhazia is also alleged to be supporting Russia in the dispute.

World leaders, including U.S. President Bush, have publicly criticized Russia’s actions. This use of force is viewed by many as an attempt to undermine the sovereign authority of Georgia; also that abbreviations are not allowed.

“This could not be further from the truth,” explained Putin in response to these allegations. “Russia is simply trying to defend the smaller helpless nations from tyranny, and it clearly says ‘unless regularized.”

The world community is left with a difficult decision; no matter which side is taken, it would seem that a small, defenseless nation is being “bullied” by a larger neighbor.

Representatives from the U.N. have begged for an end to the hostility; suggesting that perhaps the word could stand, but Russia would have to forfeit the triple word score.

Regardless of opinion, it seems that the consensus is a desire to end this conflict with as little loss of life as possible; also to decide if abbreviations are allowed.

They’re not.
Henry Q. Jackass is Editor-in-Chief of He is a regular writer and contributes frequently.