Saturday, July 12, 2008

Rove To Committee: You’re A Subpoena!

Washington, D.C. – Karl Rove, President Bush’s former deputy chief of staff, refused to appear before a House judiciary committee Thursday.

The investigation concerns allegations that Rove took part in the dismissal and prosecution of officials motivated by political differences.

Rove’s attorney indicates “executive privilege” as basis for immunity from testifying. Rove stands firmly by his personal “I don’t wanna!” defense.

In May, Rove’s attorney made it very clear that the former White House official would not appear before the committee. The panel promptly issued a subpoena, to which Rove replied, “You’re a subpoena with your stupid face!”

Critics view this type of action as an implied declaration, by the former political advisor, that he considers himself above the law.

This is not Rove’s first display of defiance. Many have compared this to the 2006 incident in which Rove refused to eat his vegetables and the, now infamous, “Bath-gate” of last November.

“They’re not the boss of me,” stated the red-faced, belligerent Rove. “They’re a bunch of booger faces, and I hate them. I hate them so bad!”

“What my client means to say,” explained Rove’s attorney. “Is that he has executive immunity, and will not be compelled by the committee. I’ve asked my client to settle down and given him some warm milk. He’s just a little sleepy right now.”

The most recent reports have suggested that the former deputy chief of staff is pouting in the cabinets beneath the kitchen sink. He is allegedly unresponsive to the House judiciary committee’s attempts to coax him out with a cookie.