Thursday, July 10, 2008

Slip ‘n Slide Installed To Reduce Airport Congestion

Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX – Officials at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport have been the first to embrace a pilot program, which replaces moving walkways with the popular Wham-O product; Slip ‘n Slide.

“We think this is really going to speed things up for people,” claimed one airport official. “It’s going to get them to their terminal faster and make things a little less stressful.”

Many patrons argue that accelerated movement between points within the airport will not reduce the duration of lengthy security screenings or alleviate flight delays.

“Our customer’s concerns are understandable,” continued the official. “We’re all familiar with the pitfalls of the system. Sometimes you hit a dry spot and skid to a skin tearing halt, sometimes there’s a rock that goes undetected and ends up being a hazardous spire of doom; we know. We’ve used state of the art water flow technology; I think it’s called a garden hose. Our engineers made absolutely sure there were no obstructions lurking beneath the track which might endanger our patrons.”

So far, the program has been successful. The number of layovers in DFW has nearly doubled in less than a week, and a record number of flights are originating there. The only unexplained statistics are an increase, in the hundreds, of travelers missing their flights and a sharp spike in general pruniness.

It seems the initial assessments totaled to a resounding; “Whhheeeeeeee!!”