Thursday, July 3, 2008

Local Man Given Clairvoyance Enough to Locate Stolen Death Star Plans

Memphis, TN – “You know, I’ve always said, ‘Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match,'well, you know the saying,” explained Jim Thompson, a 32 year old local man. “But here I am, knowing where those plans are.”

In the past, powerful members of the government have been criticized for lack of clairvoyance. Now that the plans are located, government officials have stated that there will be no one to stop them this time.

According to reports, this “Death Star” is now the ultimate power in the galaxy. Many hope that the small moon sized battle station will help expedite war efforts in the Middle East.

Authorities are suggesting that it may, in fact, alleviate the need for regional governors.

After literally thousands of years of research, the method of obtaining this clairvoyance is still elusive to even the most privileged officials. When Thompson was questioned about how he did it, his answer was simple.

“Turns out, it was Jesus. Jesus was always the answer.”