Thursday, May 22, 2008

Area Man Finds Gold in Nose

Rolling Meadows, IL – It’s a familiar sight for anyone who drives a substantial distance regularly; the motorist driving in the next lane, lulled into a false sense of solitude, picking his/her nose. These drivers are often unaware of other motorists, staring straight ahead.

George McMahon, a local commuter, was a self-described “nasal prospector”.

“My mom used to say to me, all of the time, ‘What are you doing up there, digging for gold?” McMahon reminisced, “Turns out, I was!”

On one of his frequent expeditions McMahon discovered a 24k gold chain lodged in his sinus cavity. After completely excavating the precious metal, he had it appraised. The chain was valued at approximately $260.

“I guess I must’ve put it up there at some point,” speculated McMahon. “Unless it’s something my body just made; you know, like pearls.”

Dr. Mark Canter, McMahon's family physician, explained that on the extremely remote chance that it was, in fact, McMahon’s body that produced the gold; it is an exponentially more remote possibility that his body would have shaped the metal into a delicate, uniform chain.

Despite recommendations from Dr. Canter, McMahon has announced plans to resign from his current job and turn to nasal prospecting full-time.