Saturday, May 24, 2008

Pin Striped Suit Deceives Office Tiger

Ann Arbor, MI – Louis Pitmeyer has been criticized for his devotion to the vertical pin stripe pattern for years. On Thursday, Pitmeyer was given adequate justification to continue wearing his pin striped suits.

“Who’s laughing now? Everyone else is dead because they failed to break up their silhouette,” gloated Pitmeyer. “As soon as I heard they were bringing in a full grown Siberian Tiger, I was like, ‘oh, I’m gravy.”

Pitmeyer’s employer had an opening in the copy room. The position was filled by the most qualified applicant; a 630 lb. Siberian Tiger named Popo.

“Popo came out of the copy room all slow, watching people move around the office,” recalled Pitmeyer. “I’ve had cats, I know that look; he was on the prowl. I just didn’t move, knowing that my vertically striped suit would make it hard for him to distinguish my visual outline from my environment. He probably thought I was a patch of tall grass.”

The Tiger began systematically pouncing on and devouring its co-workers.

“Bill always wears these solid black suits, they look nice, but offer him absolutely no cryptic coloration,” noted Pitmeyer. “He went first. Then after him, it was just one after another. I sat perfectly still.”

Since the incident, Pitmeyer has been promoted to Office Manager on grounds of his clever evasion. He is charged with the task of hiring replacements for his deceased staff. Popo was reprimanded for unprofessional conduct and failing to complete his copy room duties on the day of the rampage.