Friday, May 16, 2008

White Sox Fans Pool Money to Buy Cubs

Chicago, IL – “It is the largest coordinated act of fan cohesion in sports history,” reported Jim Knight, a local sports historian. “Fans from all over the city, rich, poor, everybody pitched in to buy a team that they didn’t even like. It was really kind of inspiring.”

There has been a lot of buzz surrounding the sale of the Chicago’s legendary underdog baseball team. A number of individuals, as well as groups, have expressed interest in purchasing the team. Many potential buyers have been wading through the various legal and fiscal obstacles of purchasing the Cubs.

White Sox fans reportedly showed no interest in team ownership until it was announced that naming rights would be part of the parcel.

“It was a lot of money,” noted an anonymous Chicago politician who offered a large portion of the resources needed to buy the team. “…but it seemed like a chance to finally stick it to those uppity North-siders.” The politician continued, “I don’t think it’s favoritism, I’m in charge of this city. I have a right to choose which team to root for.”

He cryptically joked about bulldozing the letter “X” into the field.

Non-residents have questioned why a city would show such disdain for their home team.

“Chicago, like many other cities, is geographically divided,” explained Knight. “There has been a cut-throat rivalry between the North side and the South side for over a century. Chicago’s baseball rivalry represents the heart of social, political and economic animosity.”

Many members of the purchasing body proclaim that the move was perfectly justified, claiming that “Asshats” is, by no means, an inaccurate label.

“It’s not like this is going to ruin their hopes of winning the Series,” gloated one Sox fan.