Thursday, September 11, 2008

Carthage Passes Waiting Period For Spear Purchase

235 B.C.

 Carthage, Tunisia – A law has been passed which mandates a five-day waiting period on the purchase of spears. Local authorities have been pushing lawmakers to pass this type of legislation for years.

 Kalonice is a local guard, charged with the task of maintaining order in the city.

 “I typically only carry a spear and dagger,” said Kalonice. “I don’t see why a private citizen would need to even own such a devastating weapon. But I respect their right to do so. I think that a waiting period is going to cut down on the number of people who buy spears out of anger.”

 Kalonice recalled an incident in which a man was arguing with a shopkeeper over the price of a spear. The customer begrudgingly paid the price then, upon receipt of the spear, stabbed the shopkeeper and took his money back.

 The local authorities believe that these are the types of irrational violent crime that will be reduced with a waiting period.

 The new law places a five-day hold on a weapon between the time it is purchased and the time when it is actually given to the customer.  

 Not all citizens are supportive of the law.

 “People don’t buy spears for the long term,” explained Titian, a local shop owner. “They buy spears because they’re angry and want to kill people. This is going to ruin my business.”

 Kalonice stated that the pressure to pass the new legislation had died down until last week when an ouzo-fueled dispute caused a fatal stabbing in Carthage’s “Old Town” neighborhood.

 “When we apprehended the perp,” explained Kalonice. “He was carrying ‘armor-piercing’ spear heads; we call them guard killers.”