Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Will To Make Sandwich Too Weak To Defeat Hunger

Chicago, IL – In a situation that may seem all too familiar, Chuck Perkins, a local man, sat on his couch all of Tuesday evening in the grips of hunger. Only yards from a relatively full refrigerator, Perkins’ will was simply too weak.

“I didn’t wanna do it,” said Perkins. “I just sat here for, like, four hours watching TV. I just couldn’t bring myself to get up and make a sandwich.”

 Perkins explained the tragic circumstances, which lead him to this terrible situation.

 “I got a DVR, like, two weeks ago,” said Perkins. “So when I get home from work, I just sit down and start watching all of the shows that I have stored. There are no commercials, no breaks. Yeah I could pause it, but that would just slow down the process.”

 Local authorities have not yet commented on whether or not they intend to provide relief for Perkins. Many local protestors are calling this a state responsibility rather than a municipal one.

 “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” noted Perkins. “If this continues, my body weight may drop dangerously low. I’m already down to two-eighty. And these conditions are just plain unhealthy. I don’t know who it was, but somebody has urinated on this couch at least twice this week.”

 The fate of Mr. Perkins hunger, as well as his downtrodden will to make a sandwich, will certainly be a topic of much concern in the near future.