Friday, September 19, 2008

McCain Reassures Voters With Hemispherical Record

Miami, FL- Republican presidential candidate Senator John McCain was asked by a radio station whether or not he would meet with Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero.  Rather than a simple yes or no answer, the candidate decided to quell the concerns of voters by referring to his record with leaders in “the hemisphere”.

 “We can only reasonably draw one of three conclusions from this,” stated Prof. Phil Driehaus, professor of political science at Berkeley. “Senator McCain thinks that Spain is in South America, McCain was referring to the Northern Hemisphere or, he doesn’t know what hemisphere means. No matter which of those is accurate, I can’t wait to have this guy in office.”

 Senator McCain hasn’t commented on the statement, but sources find it difficult to believe that the Senator doesn’t know where Spain is located.

 “Despite the fact that Senator McCain admits he doesn’t know much about economics,” said Prof. Driehaus. “I think he probably has a decent grasp of geography.”

 Considering that the Northern Hemisphere contains nearly 90% of the Earth’s population, it seems unlikely that this was the nature of McCain’s comment. His record with the hemisphere would hardly be definitive.

 According to experts, the most probable cause for the statement was ignorance to the definition.

  Hemisphere is defined, by the George W. Bush Dictionary of Words that are Hard for Republicans to Know as, “A word meaning roughly the same as ‘local’. ‘Natural Gas is hemispherical, I like to call it hemispherical because it can be found in our neighborhoods.”

 With such a clear definition available, it’s difficult to understand how Senator McCain could have made such a mistake.