Friday, September 12, 2008

Jesus Announces “Greatest Illusion Ever”

32 A.D.

Golgotha – Today, Jesus Christ, a local carpenter, stood atop a hill and spoke to a crowd of dozens. According to reports, the man spoke for several minutes, trying to draw a larger crowd.

As the crowd grew, Christ raised his hands and began to shout.

“One year from today,” he began. “On this very spot, I will perform the greatest illusion ever seen by the eyes of men!”

Members of the crowd speculated that he chose those words specifically because this particular illusion had been observed by Jesus’ imaginary friend, “God”.

When the crowd questioned Christ about the nature of the trick, he wouldn’t divulge any information and insisted that he only give clues.

“I will walk across from the old Piggly Wiggly,” said Christ. “That is how you will know when the illusion has begun.”

“Did you say ‘a cross’?” shouted one anonymous member of the crowd. “I bet he’s gonna be crucified. And maybe somehow escape.”

Christ replied to the outburst by quickly drowning the voice out with more patter.

This is not the first “illusion” performed by the carpenter, according to friends.

“Oh yeah, he’s actually really good,” stated John, one of Christ’s closest friends. “He’s got this really neat walk on water trick; he calls it ‘fish out of water’. I keep telling him he’s got to change that.”