Thursday, March 20, 2008

Apple Crosses A Line With New iGasm

Cupertino, CA- At a recent press conference, Apple announced the release of a new product in its immensely popular “iPod’ family. Apple claims that it will “change the way we interact with technology”. The product, called iGasm, reportedly produces localized nervous reaction in the user’s genitals, resulting in spontaneous orgasm.

“It’s completely intuitive; you don’t even have to touch it.” Boasted a representative from Apple, “Also, it’s a phone, Mp3 player, PDA, digital voice recorder, karaoke machine, camera, back massager, alarm clock, pocket sommelier, and it’s a good listener.”

This innovation comes to us in the wake of the groundbreaking Apple iPhone released last year to an encouraging reception. The iGasm builds on the iPhone technology which borrowed its interface from the iPod touch; the latest iteration of Apple’s influential iPod hardware.

Many people, mostly men, are disquieted, even opposed to the new product; claiming that it crosses a line that consumer electronics were never intended to cross.

“Great, really great.” Said an anonymous male consumer after attending the conference, “What are we supposed to do now? The competition is already pretty tough; I bet this thing doesn’t even come home drunk and pass out in the bathtub.”

The representative from Apple was confident and spoke about findings within the half male, half female test group.
“All of the males in our test group reported being satisfied with the igasm, some were apprehensive about its release. There was a concern with the female testers. They were all unavailable for contact, not answering telephones or responding to email. Our research and development team has addressed the issue, assuming that the iGasm is causing some type of minor interference.