Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Rich Uncle Pennybags To Take Over Failing Federal Reserve Board

Washington, D.C.- Due to recent failures within the Federal Reserve Board, Ben Bernanke has resigned as Chairman. Today, the Board announced that he will be succeeded by the lovable Parker Brothers icon, Rich Uncle Pennybags.

Critics claim that his platform of “Fat cat-onomics” will drive this country into a serious recession. Proponents of the appointment cite his history of financial prosperity and success as a property tycoon as reassuring evidence of his capability.

Mr. Monopoly, as his friends call him, addressed a standing room only crowd at a press conference shortly after assuming his new responsibilities.

“We’ve got a long road, to economic stability, ahead of us. We will just have to take it one square at a time. Many of my opponents have claimed that I set my pace by the roll of a die, but that’s not a chance I’m willing to take.” The new Chairman continued, “I intend to reallocate the nation’s annual $200 stipend into the building of moderately priced hotels on undesirable property.”

The tactic described by Pennybags is a classic conservative use of what has come to be referred to as the nation’s annual “Go” money.

The Chairman has also promised to give his personal backing to four railroads and no less than four major utilities.

Economists in the Capital have expressed concern about Pennybag’s ability to strengthen the dollar. There is also a rapidly growing tension about the Chairman’s decadence. In his few short hours in office, he has replaced several federally registered vehicles with inefficient pewter tokens.

Optimistic observers have pointed out that he has already built five houses and two hotels on Pennsylvania Avenue.