Saturday, March 8, 2008

Minister Rolls -2 to Eulogy for Gary Gygax

Pastor John Waler admitted to his nervousness in performing the service for the late “Dungeons and Dragons” co-creator, Gary Gygax.

“Some of my parishioners had mentioned that he was a man of notable fame,” Said Pastor John. I was not familiar with “Diamonds and Dragons” so I had to hurry and gather information, or risk looking like a fool in front of his fans and family.”

After co-creation of the legendary role playing game, Gygax had been prolific creating other RPGs and board games, as well as popping his head in and out of any place where his name was mentioned. He was a fairly regular fixture at various gaming events. Gygax had been in poor health for quite some time.

Personally naïve on the subject, I spoke with our “Nerds-and-Virgins” columnist, he had this to say;

“Gary Gygax? You’re seriously asking me who Gary Gygax is. What in the hell were you doing in high school? I mean, where have you been since 1974? You are such a dork. Whatever, he was one of the coolest guys ever. I met him once, and he signed my Monster Manual.” It was cryptic.

Fortunately for Pastor John, there were members of his flock who were willing to fill him in on the subject. (Unlike some spiteful, elitist, employees here.) Standing before the mourners, he showed confidence and pretended that he knew Gary…unsuccessfully.

“He was never afraid to help a fellow elf, or troll up to a task with Dee-twelve charisma. Gary’s stats were all four dee six, as I am sure those of you who knew him can attest. He once said to me, ‘Pastor Dave, we all have a little dagger and dragon inside us’. He was right, just as it says in the book of Matthew…” In an inexplicably strange effort, Pastor Waler wore pointed plastic ears, and what seemed to be some sort of cape as he delivered these words.

After the service, the mourners quietly mocked the Minister and headed home to battle their own trolls and unicorns, or whatever those kind of people do.