Saturday, March 22, 2008

Provocative “Booty” Violates Corporate Ass-Code Policy

Buffalo, NY- Disciplinary actions were taken against Brianna Lewis, a 22 year old intern at Durham Inc., a local office supplies distributor. Ms. Lewis was confused with the reprimand, as she was wearing perfectly appropriate designer pants at the time of the alleged offense.

Brianna stated that she has been nothing but professional and adhered strictly to the company’s dress-code policy for the entire duration of her internship.

The Human Resources liaison for Durham’s Buffalo branch defended the company’s decision. “Ms. Lewis was politely and informally asked to address her ‘junk-in-the-trunk’ and make it more appropriate for the workplace. She continued to ‘back that ass up’, ‘show us what she was working with’ and drop it in a manner that would suggest it was hot. She was in direct violation of the current policy.”

Buffalo branch management commented that Lewis’ rear end was distracting to other employees and customers. There were also allegations of her booty being hypnotic like “a couple of rippling jell-o molds”.

Jake Mullane, Brianna’s immediate supervisor, was quoted as saying, “Sometimes she’d walk out of the office and I’d just be sitting there thinking ‘I just want to take a big bite out of that’. I couldn’t get anything done for like twenty minutes.”

In 2001, an incident with “inappropriate” attire brought the company into a difficult legal situation. The offender in the 2001 incident claimed that it was in fact her figure, not her wardrobe, which caused the allegations, thereby prompting Durham Inc. to outline an “Ass-Code” policy as an addendum to the long standing dress code.