Sunday, March 23, 2008

Sect Of Cannibals Eats Body, Drinks Blood

Once a Holiday filled with joy and delight, Easter has been perverted into something horrible by a small upstart cult. This cult, who call themselves Christians, have taken the emphasis off of the chocolate, plastic grass and ancient pagan fertility symbols that have always been the foundation of the holiday; and focus on barbaric rituals of cannibalism.

Dr. William Bloom, a cultural anthropologist, has been studying what he calls “Christianity” for several years. “The rituals of this cult begin innocently enough with a song and collective greeting, but they quickly degenerate into primitive displays of voracity for human flesh and blood,” explained Dr. Bloom. “Apparently this group has been performing these horrific acts for at least a decade now.”

In many religious groups throughout history, the consumption of food has been a powerful tool in symbolic ritual. These “Christians” allegedly worship some type of demigod being who was half human, half deity. As a result of this corporeal existence, when this particular deity died, (he/she) was able to leave a body and blood behind. Reportedly, this being commanded its followers to sustain themselves by using the carcass for nourishment.

Dr. Bloom puzzled, “It seems awfully inhuman, to me, for anyone to willfully consume the flesh and blood of another human being. However, this is by no means the first or last time a cult or religious movement has conducted such unseemly rituals.”

Sources say that Christianity is a growing trend. Members of this radical organization are difficult to identify. The only obvious traits of a practicing cannibal are the teeth; which they might file to a point to facilitate easier tearing of flesh.