Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Procrastinators Lament As “Someday” Added To Calendars

Mowing the lawn, finishing that novel and that birdfeeder (you know the one); beware, things are about to change. In a landmark decision, the American calendar has been changed. The National Calendar Council announced the plans on Monday; effective January 1, 2009, the week will be eight days long. A formerly hypothetical scapegoat is receiving its day in the sun. “Someday”, as it is called, will occur between Saturday and Sunday, and derail the non-plans of procrastinators nationwide.
Within the council, the amendment was passed by a simple majority along with a Mega-leap year rider (giving us an additional one hundred eighty five hour long day, once every four hundred years). Negotiations were tough, causing the Council to meet past their usual session, well into the month of Septromber. Council members in opposition to the amendment assert that they will oppose the change, “Some other time”.
It was not the only proposed addition, failed suggestions included; “Everydogday”, “Colddayinhell”, and “PunchBilltheinterninthethroatday”. “PunchBilltheinterninthethroatday”, held its own until the very end, losing by only one vote.
The implications of “Someday” have many people worried.
“Screenwriters, novelists, grad students and freeloaders will feel the crunch the worst.” John Stevens, a noted sociologist, tells us. “These types of people have built their careers on the ambiguity of ‘Someday’. Now it’s a reality, and for the first time, they will have to produce results. The probable outcome will be massive unemployment in these areas, and possible outsourcing of non-productivity altogether.”