Friday, March 7, 2008

New Study Reveals: McClane Slightly Harder Than Diamonds

Move over girl’s best friend; prepare to question your identity. According to a recent study conducted at The Dayton Institute for Geological Study, in Northern Illinois; NYPD Detective John McClane is hardest substance known to man.
“This (finding) has really turned the office upside down,” says Jeffrey Miles Ph.D., a representative of the Institute, “everybody is freaking out.” Initial speculation was made in 1988, after the discovery of the miraculous substance known as McClane-246. The scientific community was forced to take notice when the material in question was subject to a rigorous testing scenario and exceeded all expectations.
“The battery of testing started with basic relative collapse experiments and progressed to the highly controversial ‘Gruber test’,” noted Miles. These experiments are designed to test the overall hardness, toughness and durability of a substance; with secondary readings taken for awesome factor and kickassittude. McClane showed promising results, but all of the experts agreed that further testing would be needed to determine conclusive evidence.
Subsequent tests were performed in 1990 and 1995, in which McClane was subjected to various tests and compared to other substances such as Windunium and Julesinite. These tests were all conclusive in McClane’s favor. The hypothesis became generally accepted theory in early 2008 when a series of carefully orchestrated tests showed, within a reasonable margin of error, that McClane is the world’s hardest substance.
Miles stated, “Suggestions were made to just ‘make ten harder’ (in reference to the rating of diamond on the Mohs scale of hardness) but we ultimately decided to place McClane at eleven on the scale.” A decision that would dramatically change the way business is conducted in many industries and labs around the world.